[	id + superego + ego =	|	frustrated	]
[	music is <3	|	lifetime	]

no, really. no one will care about this. or take note of it. oh well.

( meh )

[	id + superego + ego =	|	content	]
[	music is <3	|	boy meets world	]

so heres the 1,026,947th halloween picture post on lj. okay, so i made up the number. go with it.

( pumpkins, goblins, and witches oh my! )

[	Tags	|	sg_otarori	]
[	id + superego + ego =	|	cheerful	]
[	music is <3	|	toy frogs and the faint voice of rob marciano on CNN	]

ANDREW [secondary] and RANDALL: i randomly happened upon this community. you won't believe your eyes.

sg_otarori

comment on thoughts pleasethankyou.

[	id + superego + ego =	|	dumb	]
[	music is <3	|	watching CNN [big shocker]	]

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket --safe, dark, motionless, airless-- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.                

- C.S. Lewis; The Four Loves

i thought it an appropriate way to start this entry. although, it has no direct relevance to the spill that will now free-flow from my fingertips...

organized education sucks. i made a 68 on my first world history test, and i didnt think it was that hard. its really ridiculous that ive had to feel like a complete ass for years now bc of tests that dont matter in the long run. what about the stuff i am good at that im not tested on? just bc "the man" doesnt think those things will lead to a fulfilling life... you know the kind of life that upscale americans lead? lots of money, a high-paying job, a nice car, a big house... maybe even people to do your dishes for you if you make enough? basically to be the envy of anyone below you - socio-economically speaking, of course. school has always made me feel inferior. turns out even if im not attending a prison cleverly disguised as a "private school", i still just get pushed down and down and down. and im at the point in my life where my self-esteem should be getting a little more stable but seemingly its not. pardon me but fuck american society. the expectations are just too much and have way of crawling into the mind of every american and establishing an infallible reign there. what ever happened to free-thought? what is freedom. its relative, thats what it is.

im gonna go to the library and try to make myself smarter. im tired of being a dumbass.

SIDE NOTE: referring back to my statement about the c.s. lewis quote i said "it has no direct relevance to the spill that will now free-flow from my fingertips". well it did have direct relevance [with the talking about societal expectations and such]. that darned subconscious of mine - always doing its job. at least one part of my brain is.

[	id + superego + ego =	|	loved	]
[	music is <3	|	watching "the daily show"	]

perfect timing to get tagged i suppose (despite the fact that i waited a few days to respond) bc im pretty much bored right now thanks to someone going to gayspeed [ahem]. no not really, im just bored. its my own fault.

1. first things first, i'd like to put it out there on the table that i have had this livejournal for going on 5 years now and not until now did i have any clue what a "tag" was. dont make fun. well, you can if you simply must, but keep it to a snicker. i'm self-conscious.

2. i have this friend ronnie. he's really liberal. more liberal than say... andrew. if the word "ronnie" was in the slang dictionary, it would be a synonym for liberal.

3. i've been completely addicted to CNN going on, oh... i'd say about 4 days now. this post-katrina "state of emergency" business really strikes a chord with me and has caused me to lash out at bush and the rest of the stupid people that are in positions of authority. i love how something like a natural disaster can bring to light the kind of real incompetence that's running our nation.

4. i have a drug problem: coffee. you laugh, but coffee is a drug and i am addicted to it. sometimes i think i need to quit since its interfering with my health and all. but quite frankly i'm not sure i could function all so well without it. what am i saying? i've got my whole life ahead of me. as long as coffee doesn't lead me to heroine (which bc of my deadly fear of needles, it won't), i should be perfectly fine.

5. i live in a dorm and it pisses me off. as if c-zone at auburn isn't a joke as it is, on game days c-zone turns into redneck-zone [or football/tail-gating zone; i just happen to prefer the most demeaning description]. i already have to walk 1/2 mile to get to my car so let's say i am out until 2:48 a.m., hypothetically, and i drive back to c-zone, park my car, and now i have to walk back to my dorm. this is not safe. would auburn university think of this... even after a recent rape case that so conveniently took place btw c-zone and the quad dormitories? the dorms are also small, and full of girls, real girls. this concept scares me. i am not one of these girls, and i'm okay with this when i'm not around lots of them. however, living in these conditions forces me to be much of the time. in conclusion, where i live actually impedes progression of my self-esteem. thank you, zoe dobbs hall.

6. i don't like (parentheses). it actually pained me to type them out. i'm a huge fan of [brackets]. brackets are "off the hook", so to speak. you won't catch me often using parentheses, unless it's in math. this may be a primary reason i dislike math, in fact. in math one is forced to use parentheses for certain functions and brackets for others. they are not interchangeable, and i don't like that. i can't be free to use brackets when i like. math is obviously conspiring against me.

7. i'm a bunny rabbit. don't dispute this or i will steal all of your carrots.

8. i'm semi-infatuated with james mercer of the shins. his picture in a small heart frame above my bed. and no, i don't kiss it.

9. i can't sing in the shower anymore. i share a bathroom with three other girls. i feel oppressed. perhaps i should revolt.

10. i went through auburn panhellinic rush for one day and dropped out. i discovered something about myself that day: being herded like caddle while wearing a dress and being offered a bizillion glasses of water by screaming girls causes me to have suicidal thoughts. i'm going to try to stay away from those sorts of scenarios from now on.

11. i really like cardigan sweaters, scarves, and glasses. this really doesn't need much elaboration.

12. i don't believe in regret. it's a waste of time. life has meaning. there is redemption. [got a little heavy there, eh?]

13. i don't think the number thirteen is unlucky. this is #13, and i'm not afraid of it.

14. i have an inexplicable fear of the Statue of Liberty. the fear is not as strong as it was in it's initial days, but a tinge of it still remains.

15. i love C.S. Lewis and i think he was a genius. he blows my mind.

16. i want to get my nose pierced. i think it'd be hot.

17. i have this cousin that lives in california and he makes me really happy. he's just like me except he's a boy, and he's cooler.

18. eighteen is my favorite number. i found it relevant considering the number i'm on in this "survey" (question mark)

19. i love paradox. i feel that life itself is a paradox and i think it's absolutely beautiful.

20. my nickname is ashmo and i would prefer that you call me by that name.

i became a lot less creative after #10. i'm sorry about that. enjoy ::winkwink::

[	id + superego + ego =	|	complacent	]
[	music is <3	|	muse [see above]	]

the english paper is complete, the sociology test is tomorrow.

im listening to muse. it makes me smile  : ) <---- [like that]

oh and by the way...
     ...where are all my effing comments, guys?

[	id + superego + ego =	|	blah	]
[	music is <3	|	a "tiger taxi" commercial. wow.	]

I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.   - Clementine (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

such a great quote. i concur, i do.